Thursday, November 10, 2005

Worth, Work & Rejoicing NOT that . . .

REJOICING IN WHAT HE HAS DONE FOR US
What are You Worth? How Do you Know?
Kerry S. Doyal – www.GetGraced.org


It’s Saturday and I am in college. My big plans for most Saturday nights were to sit in the dorm lobby and wait for a phone call. I would set up vigil near the big wooden phone booth, guard it from any one fool hearty enough to try to use it and wait.

In the early 80’s, this was the cheapest way to keep in touch with my parents and Robin, now my wife. Dad worked for the phone company and got a deal on long distance. Robin would drive over to their house for the call and we all would catch up on the week’s news.

Yes, I know that sounds pathetic. Regular old Good Time Charlie, eh? In our era of cheap long distance and cell phones, it is hard to fathom. Oh well, I guess those were my good old days.

Another memory I have of those calls was a pattern of “Q & A” between my Dad and I. “How you doing?” he would ask. “Good.” I would reply. “I had a good week, I got a lot done.”

Some seven years later, while struggling through a long, dark season of life & ministry, I reflected on that part of our Saturday ritual. “How you doing?” “Good. I got a lot done.”

Mulling over that exchange, bells and lights of self-revelation went off. No doubt about it, as a good American male, my worth was clearly tied to my productivity, my successes, my accomplishments.

When I was getting things done, seeing lives changed, furthering His work, I felt good about me. Worse still, it was in such times I felt God felt good about me. Being lovable at such times, I was loved.

However, successes were few and failures seemed many during those doubt-filled days of ministry misery. It was a time that caused me to question my self worth and value to God or the kingdom.

What if while in college, I wondered, God entrusted me to a time of sickness and non-productivity? With test grades slipping, books not being read, papers not being written, I would have probably suffered more with matters of my soul than of my body.

Almost a decade later, everything I touched seemed to turn to mold; hardly gold. With little to feel good about, why should I feel good about me? Why should God?

When I grasped what my answers to my Dad revealed about me, it saddened me. Yet, it also became a point of freedom.

During those days of doubt, I happened – yeah right – to read Luke 10. A group of 72 Disciples were returning from a powerful ministry venture. They were jazzed and ready to report to Jesus. God had used them in obvious ways.

Hearing of their exciting exploits - healing the sick, raising the dead and kicking demonic derriere - Jesus affirmed their ministry. And then, in His classic “seem to change the subject style,” Jesus took advantage of the moment to teach them, to lead them deeper.

Read slowly a few times these words of Jesus that redirected my life: “However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven" (Luke 10:20 - NIV).

If I may paraphrase: Do not find your joy and source of identity in what you have done for Me. That fluctuates. Rejoice in what I have done for you – provided salvation. That is settled, secure and cannot change.

For me, this was a “lights going on, chains dropping off” moment of truth-grasping (John 8:30-32). This story in Luke intercepted my story and reset the shape of my life and ministry. It seemed after this epiphany, God seemed to line up particular guys He brought into my life - they all needed to hear this truth too (Eph. 2:8-10).

If our worth is based on what we do for Him, we better never have a performance lapse. Talk about pressure and an unreasonable – no, impossible – expectation. It is a demonic and damnable lie.

Our performance, successes and results will always be in flux and mixed. ‘Tis true: ya win some, ya lose some. Yet, for those of us who need to win all of them to be okay with us, this means trouble. For me, that means I am only as good as my next sermon, which puts me in deep trouble.

Yet, God’s love for you and me, His unconditional acceptance never wavers. It is not rooted in me, but Him (Titus 3:3-7).

Be honest: when do you feel good about you? More importantly, when do you sense the favor and smile of God on your life? Is it when there is good reason to sense His love?

Do good grades, a raise or promotion, perfect kids or health indicate – or dictate – how you think God is thinking and feeling about you? Or, is your worth based in HIM: His love, grace, acceptance, mercy and forgiveness? These are gifts, not earned or merited (digest Rom. 5:1-10; Ephesians 1-3).

His favor is based on His desire to express His glorious grace to even the likes of us. In fact, the “least worthy” of His love become His best exhibits of Love (see 1 Timothy 1:15-17).

The next time you have a success, enjoy it. Call a friend and have them party hearty with you (Romans 12:15; Psalm 20:5).

Better still, the next time you fail, stumble and mess things up royally, stop right in the middle of your mess to wallow and revel in His ongoing, never decreased love for you (Romans 8:26-39). If in those times you can know and experience the love of God, methinks you are on to something special.

13 comments:

John Frye said...

Kerry, I've read through this 3 times now and each time my heart is strengthened. Thanks for the thought and passion and reflection you put into this post. We need more pastors like you who are honest about the journey.

Anonymous, there was no sacrifice in the OT for premeditated sin. To use your "repent and be forgiven card" on your deathbed is like a "slam bam, thank you, m'am" use of Jesus' blood. I don't think he'd like that. Praying for you in your struggle.

Kerry Doyal said...

Marc - thanks for your comments

AnonymousU - thanks ever so much for your words! I so respect honesty such as yours. It is too easy to say the right things or nothing at all.

I am human enough to be crazy with curiosity (who is that masked man?), but am thankful HE knows & cares. Here is a cheap bride: may I buy you lunch some day?

Funny thing- there is a parable about your line-jumper & it is in YOUR favor (see Matt. 20:1-16 - bonus parable Luke 17:7-10)! Lots of us good folk hate this parabale 'cause we don't grasp grace.

Blessings, my friend. Blog at me as you can.

Kerry Doyal said...

Dodi - thanks AGAIN! What would do I... I mean, I do with out your skilled help? Cheap bride! ;-) Thanks Sis - KSD

Tell you boys hello

Kerry Doyal said...

AnonU - Great to hear from you. Russian? Will a S. American work ;-)

I am gone most of this week. Friday can work this week or . . . let's make it work as we can. Which La Car?

if you want to, e-mail me:
gracefree4u@juno.com

KSD

Kerry Doyal said...

See ya Friday! Kerry

Milton Stanley said...

Excellent word. I didn't find a trackback link on your post, but I wanted you to know I quoted liberally from your post on my blog this morning. Peace.

John Frye said...

Dear Anonymous, it's hard to "hear" inflection and see facial expressions via blogging. I'm sorry for my comments that sounded judgmental and rejecting of you. Forgive me. My words were meant to stimulate thought, not condemn. You are on an honest and good journey. Questions are part of the journey. Keep asking, keep moving and keep open to the God Who is pursuing you. I imagine all who have addressed you though this blog are passionately in love with Jesus Christ and genuinely care for you. Because God is FOR you and not against you, so are we all FOR you and not against you.

John Frye said...

Kerry, when you have a chance, read again my first post about "Jesus the First Emerging Pastor." I edited it substantially in light of your good feedback. John

Kerry Doyal said...

That's the old John we know and love.

Kerry Doyal said...

Marc, love you passion, on board with you in your message, wondering if the method is a bit strong? (BTW - thanks for serving in the crucial, underthanked, underpaid role that you do.)


Anon - enjoyed lunch - hope we can get together again soon.

Kerry Doyal said...

Lunch was a good time - hoping to do again (good excuse to eat Mexican food)

Marc - You Da MAN - stay safe & God's shield around you (Ps. 20)

Kerry Doyal said...

I read that, Mr Anon . . . & Go Bears! Maybe we can do a threesome with Clint. He & I were thinking Fri b-fast.

Kerry Doyal said...

Mr. A.A. ;-)

Are you not a b-fast eater?... before work?