Six years ago today, my brother Ken died of hopelessness.
Not skirting the issue, he took his own life - one shot to the chest with his .22 pistol, in his living room, on his recliner. With divorce immanent and life catching up with him, despair and depression took their toll. A toll that is still being taken on us.
I miss him. Not as much as his dear daughter, son and wife. Not as badly as my dad & mom. Maybe not as badly as my other brother (they buddied around more). But I miss him too. And I regret all he has missed - his son's wedding, dad's death, niece & nephew's birth...
It is easy to speak of suicide as a selfish act. No doubt, it is. It is also an act of irrational despair, despondence, guilt, shame and anger. Selfishness almost seems to assume more rationality and intentionality than was present.
I asked my brother Kevin, who was heading to the cemetery, to tell Ken hello for me & kick his headstone. He understood. Ken would too.
We love you Mom, Diana, Rachel & Kenneth and are so sorry.